Canada

Machete Man Walks Free! 🔪🚶‍♂️

Machete-wielding man acquitted of all charges. Bruh, this dude Stanley Albert Wilson straight-up beat the case after gettin' caught with a machete. Driver said he was wildin' out, but Stanley said he was just tryna take a shortcut. Judge said the story sus, but the Crown couldn't prove anything,

Edith Singh

21 Jun 2025 — 1 min read

TL:DR

Bruh, this dude Stanley Albert Wilson straight-up beat the case after gettin' caught with a machete. Driver said he was wildin' out, but Stanley said he was just tryna take a shortcut. Judge said the story sus, but the Crown couldn't prove anything, so he's free to go. Wild.

The Tea

Okay, so listen up, fam. On December 14, 2023, this dude Stanley Albert Wilson was allegedly out here swinging a machete on Turner Road, and things got a little too real. A driver testified that Stanley was swinging the blade like he was auditioning for Fruit Ninja, and even smacked the back of the dude's Jeep with it. The driver was shook, understandably.

But hold up, there's another side to the story. Stanley took the stand and said he was just tryna cut a path to the library, no cap. He said he slipped on some ice (classic winter move) and accidentally tapped the Jeep with his blade. He also said he dipped into the woods when the cops showed up 'cause he was scared of falling on the machete. Big yikes.

When the RCMP officer showed up and pulled a firearm on Stanley, he booked it into the forest.

Fast forward to June 10, and the judge was like, "Aight, this story is sus af, but the Crown ain't proved beyond a reasonable doubt that Stanley was out here causing chaos." So, Stanley walked. All charges dropped, including the one for resisting a peace officer. Can you even believe it?

Abbreviations Glossary

Abbreviation	Full Form
Bruh	Bro, dude, used to address someone or express disbelief.
Sus	Suspicious.
No cap	No lie, for real.
AF	As F*ck.
Big Yikes	An expression of cringe.
Wildin' out	Acting crazy.
Booked it	Ran away quickly.

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